if we break free from the nine to five maybe we can salvage our lives and reinstate the boundaries between enterprise and identity because i'm tired of sleeping in, tired of sleeping at the wheel. it feels like i'm cutting myself open trying to feel something new. i pretend i try to live my life as if i'm going to die tonight but i survive, i'm just bruised. everything i do requires an excuse. i feel lost, i feel sold, i feel tired, i feel old. keep trying to get away fast trying to step out of the cold. you'd think that i'd be happy all the things that i have bought, you'd think that i know better, all the things that i've been taught but i am actionless, i am talk, talk, talk. i can hear them in the back of my head, little voices, they're shouting "are we just trying to get paid?"
Track Name: Stained Glass Window
you and me
between third and fourth period
we broke into the chapel
and the hair on your arm was illuminated
with color from the stained glass window
and i held your hand
we spoke softly
everything is about to change
i felt the warmth of your breath on the back of my neck
and it felt so strange
when we were lying underneath the pews
i said some stupid line like "finally, i'm alone with you"
and even back then i doubted god was listening
but we still tried to keep it down
and that was harder than i expected
later on you laid your head
on a stack of missalettes
my thoughts were too much to collect
so i buttoned up my shirt and zipped my backpack
and i never went back to you
Track Name: Bombs
we shut our eyes tonight
lay down and sleep with empty minds
we forget that theres an impact to each action
we're so distracted by inaction
that war became the subject of a play
our nation acted on a stage
while we sat in the very back row
reading words on a phone that we know mean nothing
cause the bombs aren't falling outside our window
how am i supposed to be speak my mind
when i'm high
like an airplane pilot
eyes closed black dots in a sea of violet, keeping quiet.
i keep radio silence
if the bombs were falling outside my window how can i say i wouldn't take a side?
Track Name: Kansas City
there was no place to sleep in Warrensburg because all the locals were tossing ping pong balls into plastic cups. There was more beer on the floor than there was in their mouths and it seemed to head south with every pour so we found the door and we ended North.
We found out that the Kansas City night life is an opiate and a parasite it gets underneath your fingernails and crawls inside. Are these twenty-nothings really enjoying their lives or are they lost amongst the power and the light? Is everyone just trying to get laid tonight?
They kiss the hard drinks with their tongues like they are about to make love while walking back from the bathroom full of hard drugs like they just got fucked. I saw one pointing at another with his finger and his thumb shaped like a gun, as if it we're enough and its probably enough.
Track Name: 5 Days
i've got big plans without beginnings or ends, i'm approaching a monster with nothing but my open hands. i always say that i'm leaving, oh that classic cliche, every step that i take from this place gets less than a few feet away.
we always idealized summer
those nights that never seem to end
under a sky so big it eclipsed all of our regret
we always idealized summer
and how those days were spent
but if we're not working five days a week we can't pay the rent.
don't tell my father, don't tell my friends
i'm standing where the road bends with a candle burning at both ends. i daydream so much it became a full-time job. i'm trying to redefine purpose in a world without a god.
i've always idealized summer
it was sweet and innocent
until the fall hit my face like a big fucking slab of cement.
i always idealized summer
and how those days were spent
but if i'm not working five days a week i can't pay the rent.
Track Name: Melatonin
you're the reason I can't sleep tonight cause you can't see the forest for the trees. i ask myself a 100 times if you and i share the same disease with such different symptoms when everyone listens and no one understands. you want to feel better right now. you've given up on happiness, you're bodies not not having this and life became getting another fix. i know that you never came back from this. behind the hedonism you were masochist. underneath our nihilism, we both were narcissists. you removed the needle from your arm but you never came back from the hole in your heart. you died with glass in your arm because i couldn't keep you safe from harm. you're the reason I can't sleep tonight.
Track Name: Wrecking Ball
i used to try to fuck it up from the moment that i walked through the door because all the pieces made more sense on the floor, or maybe i just wanted more.
so i would sabotage each night, think of all the ways it could be better. eat my cake as fast as i can because i'd rather be sick.
when everything begins to fall apart, i always get so scared. start to feel like i've gotten to where i wanted but i'm unprepared. or that i bottle things up inside or that i'm lying when i say i'm alright. or that i inevitably stop myself before i even try.
because all we ever had was time
we didn't have much money
we were expecting we would die
before it got this hard
before it got too late
how did we ever let it get this far.
we've watched our value depreciate.
i know it seems fucked up
and i know its hard
when you feel like you drive forever and you never seem to get very far.
but the other night when i was drinking, i started to feel like i was sinking and that was town was shrinking and i started thinking about the dirt on my casket lid.
and now i never have much time
and i still have no money
i never really thought that i would die
i was just frightened by the taste,
and uncomfortable with the pace,
there were things i was afraid to face,
but now the sunglasses are off my eyes
i see its really not that dark outside.
and no matter what i said before, i don't want to a wrecking ball anymore.